omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
