What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
