Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
