he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
