you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
