I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
