it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
