i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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