just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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