I have demons in me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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