dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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