pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
