McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
