Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
