i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
