And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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