saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
