So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
