Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
