Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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