R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
