i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
