I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
