You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
