I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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