I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize