Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize