I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
