Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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