Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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