I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
