thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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