he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I could fuck to npr.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
