need another drink. this is the easiest way
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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