i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
