Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i've created a new STD.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
