Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
