i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
