Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
