Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
