It was confusing and full of hummus
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
