I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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