Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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