the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
