She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
