I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
