Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
