i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
