i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
