i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
