I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yo dont text me then not text me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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