How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just forgot I was standing up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
