what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize