you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
