I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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