Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
