note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
