oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
