literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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