sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
