About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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