I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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