OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
