I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
