five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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