So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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