i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
