Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
