So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
