I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
